support and love got me through

Hi Marina. I was just thinking about how amazing you guys were when you supported me when I was pregnant and when I had a newborn.

I am in my final year in my BSW now and I'm on my placement at an organisation that supports victims of family violence. We work with all kinds of organisation's and I will definitely keep your haven pregnancy support in mind when working with clients on the shore.

At the time when I was getting the support, I really felt guilty and embarrassed like I didn't deserve or need it but looking back man, your support and love really got me through.

I did really need it. Now I get to do the same kind of support for people, knowing how it feels to be on the receiving end.

Thanks again for everything you do for the community and stay inspired. You really are making a difference ❤🥰

My child is 2 years old now and we are all good. Hope you are well too.

Making an Informed Decision

2022 was one of the hardest years of my life. We decided we did not want children together - I have one child and my partner has two. After a vasectomy we thought we were in the clear, yet I felt the presence of a baby wanting to be with me and knew I was pregnant before I saw those two pink lines in April 2022.

We had already had a termination in 2021 and it truly broke my heart, especially once I realised what I had done and the weight of not being able to undo that, still hurts every single day. It is one of the biggest regrets of my life and I am in shock it is a part of my life story now. I did not want to experience a pain like that again and knew I needed to find a village in order to get me through the pregnancy.

Usually, we see people celebrating pregnancy with their friends and families. Gender reveal parties, baby showers, mothers’ blessings, sharing photos and announcements online. I didn't experience any of that in this pregnancy. Instead, I felt alone. My partner and I couldn't get on the same page about what to do and it took about 17 weeks before I told my own family.

I reached out to many people - Helpline text service, pregnancy and abortion grief support, close friends, and Haven. It hurt to see others being excited about welcoming a new addition, and I felt I was living a lie about our pregnancy being exciting and that the baby could feel my sadness. Finding support for a situation like this felt almost impossible, but when I found Haven, I knew I wasn't alone.

We met with Marina, and we spoke about the idea of adoption, which we had both been considering. However, as the pregnancy continued, I felt too connected to our baby to give him or her away and couldn't imagine the confusion for our children losing a sibling, or for the heartache of knowing my little person was out there in the world without me.

Marina was so supportive and still is today. It has been incredible to have a person on this journey who was neutral in the decision-making process and who was always there via text to offer her time and kindness. She also introduced us to Joanne who has great experience with fostering babies, and knowledge about the adoption processes. Which helped towards us making an informed decision.

Loved and treasured

I first met Marina and Megan at the Starship hospital - Mother and Baby unit. I was admitted into the hospital due to a mental breakdown. I am a single mum with no support. I went through the whole pregnancy alone. I even drove myself to the hospital to deliver my son. Not only that I needed to face all these alone, but I also needed to face the abuse from my son’s father. It was a really dark time of my life, I felt so alone and without help. Many so-called government organisations called after I was infected with Covid when my son was three weeks old, and we were classified as ‘high-risk’. However, none of them could offer me the real practical help that I really need and the last thing I needed was to have another long phone call of those people asking me the same question wasting my time while my son is crying.

Soon after that I was admitted into respite then the mother and Baby unit. I felt that I was a mental patient locked up in a hospital and feeling powerless. My Plunket nurse managed to find me the support by contacting Marina. Marina and Megan came to visit us at the mother and Baby unit, and bought my son a box of newborn clothes, a bag of nappies, toys, and a story book for him. This was the first present that my son actually received after he was born. I felt so touched by their kindness and it is really nice to know someone is there for us and we are not alone even though they were just complete strangers we met for the first time.

After we have been discharged from Starship hospital Megan has been making regular visits so that I can go to therapy, do grocery shopping, and medical appointments. Haven Pregnancy Support has also organised coffee groups and that made me feel connected. It is nice to be surrounded by kind, caring, and loving people. Nicky has helped me source things such as clothes, a highchair, playpen for my son.

Recently my son is turning one, Marina, Jo, and Megan have made it so special for my son. They brought treats and presents to our new place and celebrated my son’s first birthday with us. As it is literally just me and my son, we don’t have anyone else, I felt so happy and grateful that there are people to celebrate the life of my son. I felt that people from Haven Pregnancy Support have shown me that even though we don’t have other families around us, my son is still worthy to be loved by many and to have a good special celebration for his first year of life and that he has reached a great milestone.

I feel that Haven Pregnancy Support is sending a strong message that it doesn't matter what the situation or circumstances are, all life should be valued and treasured. And the same message keeps on coming back to me that God says we are worthy of all the love and goodness in this world, He created us to be loved and treasured. Our worth comes from God, not what other people say about us. Despite what some say about my son, my son is worthy because he is created by God, God wants him to come to this world.


"My dad says "life is about the choices you will make, so make them wisely!” The mistakes in your life is yours and yours alone.  I believe I have always made good choices throughout my life, even one’s that turnout to be mistakes. I learnt from them and tried not to make the same.


Over a year ago I had made the mistake of getting pregnant - of course it was unplanned. Going through this pregnancy wasn’t an option at the time. My partner and I were not ready in so many ways - with finances, jobs, relationship, and so we had to make the hard decision of terminating the pregnancy. 


What came after the termination would put me in a position where I would question everything in my relationship, my beliefs, and the person I’m becoming. I was unable to talk to my partner and part of me still blamed him for the termination of the pregnancy. Talking to my family was also not an option and they would not approve of what we had done. I was afraid of talking to my friends, afraid they would judge me for the abortion. So, I found myself drifting away further from those who are close to me. I felt that I was not able to forgive myself and the guilt I carried with me had gotten worse, so I buried it with working longer hours.

Fourteen months later I found myself pregnant and again I found myself facing the heartache and stressful decisions. Once again, my partner revealed to me that he is not ready for a baby. Knowing what was in my heart that I cannot bring myself to terminate this baby again, I seeked advice from my friend and professionally, someone who could give me any answers to what I’m feeling and what I’m about to go through. I reached out to “uncle google” then I came across a website called the “Buttons Project “ - healing from abortion it says, so I went into the website and watched a video about a woman who had been through what I went through and she was able to talk about it. I remember at the time of watching the video, I cried and knew that I could not bring myself to talk about what had happened, because I had never let go of the feeling of losing my baby. 


I then decided to contact Marina Young, seeking any answers and advice in what I had been through and what I’m going to do now with the new pregnancy. She contacted me days later and we met for coffee. Meeting Marina and talking to her was such a relief. I felt that I could open up to her and there was no judgement on her part. At the same time, I remember saying to myself why am I telling a complete stranger about my whole life! But to find that someone who can understand exactly what you went through, is such a relief that you don’t even care who that stranger is. I left our coffee date knowing what I needed to do to say goodbye to my baby and free myself from the guilty feeling of abortion that I had been carrying with me all this time. I also left with a feeling of hope for the baby that is to come.  


During this time Marina was also helping start up a new service – Haven Pregnancy Support, and was able to access more wrap around support. It had not been easy but nevertheless I had stayed true to myself and my feelings fighting for what I wanted all along.  I decided to convince my partner that I will be going ahead with this pregnancy even if that means going through it alone without him. I Remember praying a lot to God and praying that he would understand and come around the idea of us having a baby and making a family. Thank God he did! It has been some months now since our baby daughter was born, our relationship is in a better place than what we were before. This little Miracle has changed both our lives. 


A big thank you to the Buttons Project and Haven Pregnancy Support, my deepest gratitude to Marina who went out of her way to seek us professional help for our relationship couple counselling which has made us the family we are today, and words cannot describe how grateful I am to this woman and how amazing she is to care for a complete stranger."