"My dad says "life is about the choices you will make, so make them wisely!” The mistakes in your life is yours and yours alone.  I believe I have always made good choices throughout my life, even one’s that turnout to be mistakes. I learnt from them and tried not to make the same.


Over a year ago I had made the mistake of getting pregnant - of course it was unplanned. Going through this pregnancy wasn’t an option at the time. My partner and I were not ready in so many ways - with finances, jobs, relationship, and so we had to make the hard decision of terminating the pregnancy. 


What came after the termination would put me in a position where I would question everything in my relationship, my beliefs, and the person I’m becoming. I was unable to talk to my partner and part of me still blamed him for the termination of the pregnancy. Talking to my family was also not an option and they would not approve of what we had done. I was afraid of talking to my friends, afraid they would judge me for the abortion. So, I found myself drifting away further from those who are close to me. I felt that I was not able to forgive myself and the guilt I carried with me had gotten worse, so I buried it with working longer hours.

Fourteen months later I found myself pregnant and again I found myself facing the heartache and stressful decisions. Once again, my partner revealed to me that he is not ready for a baby. Knowing what was in my heart that I cannot bring myself to terminate this baby again, I seeked advice from my friend and professionally, someone who could give me any answers to what I’m feeling and what I’m about to go through. I reached out to “uncle google” then I came across a website called the “Buttons Project “ - healing from abortion it says, so I went into the website and watched a video about a woman who had been through what I went through and she was able to talk about it. I remember at the time of watching the video, I cried and knew that I could not bring myself to talk about what had happened, because I had never let go of the feeling of losing my baby. 


I then decided to contact Marina Young, seeking any answers and advice in what I had been through and what I’m going to do now with the new pregnancy. She contacted me days later and we met for coffee. Meeting Marina and talking to her was such a relief. I felt that I could open up to her and there was no judgement on her part. At the same time, I remember saying to myself why am I telling a complete stranger about my whole life! But to find that someone who can understand exactly what you went through, is such a relief that you don’t even care who that stranger is. I left our coffee date knowing what I needed to do to say goodbye to my baby and free myself from the guilty feeling of abortion that I had been carrying with me all this time. I also left with a feeling of hope for the baby that is to come.  


During this time Marina was also helping start up a new service – Haven Pregnancy Support, and was able to access more wrap around support. It had not been easy but nevertheless I had stayed true to myself and my feelings fighting for what I wanted all along.  I decided to convince my partner that I will be going ahead with this pregnancy even if that means going through it alone without him. I Remember praying a lot to God and praying that he would understand and come around the idea of us having a baby and making a family. Thank God he did! It has been some months now since our baby daughter was born, our relationship is in a better place than what we were before. This little Miracle has changed both our lives. 


A big thank you to the Buttons Project and Haven Pregnancy Support, my deepest gratitude to Marina who went out of her way to seek us professional help for our relationship couple counselling which has made us the family we are today, and words cannot describe how grateful I am to this woman and how amazing she is to care for a complete stranger."