"My dad says "life is about the choices you will
make, so make them wisely!” The mistakes in your life is yours and yours
alone. I believe I have always made good choices throughout my life, even one’s
that turnout to be mistakes. I learnt from them and tried not to make the same.
Over a year ago I had made the mistake of getting pregnant - of course it
was unplanned. Going through this pregnancy wasn’t an option at the time. My
partner and I were not ready in so many ways - with finances, jobs, relationship, and so we had to make the hard decision of terminating the pregnancy.
What came after the termination would put me in a position where I would
question everything in my relationship, my beliefs, and the person I’m
becoming. I was unable to talk to my partner and part of me still blamed
him for the termination of the pregnancy. Talking to my family was also not an
option and they would not approve of what we had done. I was afraid of talking
to my friends, afraid they would judge me for the abortion. So, I found myself
drifting away further from those who are close to me. I felt that I was not
able to forgive myself and the guilt I carried with me had gotten worse, so I
buried it with working longer hours.
Fourteen months later I found myself pregnant and again I found myself
facing the heartache and stressful decisions. Once again, my partner revealed
to me that he is not ready for a baby. Knowing what was in my heart that I cannot
bring myself to terminate this baby again, I seeked advice from my friend and
professionally, someone who could give me any answers to what I’m feeling and
what I’m about to go through. I reached out to “uncle google” then I came
across a website called the “Buttons Project “ - healing from abortion it says,
so I went into the website and watched a video about a woman who had been
through what I went through and she was able to talk about it. I remember at
the time of watching the video, I cried and knew that I could not bring myself
to talk about what had happened, because I had never let go of the feeling of losing
my baby.
I then decided to contact Marina Young, seeking any answers and advice in
what I had been through and what I’m going to do now with the new pregnancy.
She contacted me days later and we met for coffee. Meeting Marina and talking
to her was such a relief. I felt that I could open up to her and there was no
judgement on her part. At the same time, I remember saying to myself why am I
telling a complete stranger about my whole life! But to find that someone who
can understand exactly what you went through, is such a relief that you don’t
even care who that stranger is. I left our coffee date knowing what I needed to
do to say goodbye to my baby and free myself from the guilty feeling of
abortion that I had been carrying with me all this time. I also left with a
feeling of hope for the baby that is to come.
During this time Marina was also helping start up a new service – Haven
Pregnancy Support, and was able to access more wrap around support. It had not been easy but nevertheless I had stayed true to myself and my
feelings fighting for what I wanted all along. I decided to convince my
partner that I will be going ahead with this pregnancy even if that means going
through it alone without him. I Remember praying a lot to God and praying that
he would understand and come around the idea of us having a baby and making a
family. Thank God he did! It has been some months now since our baby daughter
was born, our relationship is in a better place than what we were before. This
little Miracle has changed both our lives.
A big thank you to the Buttons Project and Haven Pregnancy Support, my
deepest gratitude to Marina who went out of her way to seek us professional
help for our relationship couple counselling which has made us the family we
are today, and words cannot describe how grateful I am to this woman and how
amazing she is to care for a complete stranger."
